so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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