She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
