the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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