North Korea, Best Korea!
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
