then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
