this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
