24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
