actually, I'm a sock model
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
