That's when you crack a 10am beer
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a beard to bite.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
