Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
