He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
