Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
