I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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