Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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