dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
