The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
