i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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