We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
