I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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