now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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