Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
