sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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