the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
