and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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