Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
