life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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