So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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