Whatcha textin bout Willis?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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