Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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