I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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