You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
