Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
