nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
