If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
