Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
