There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
