masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
