I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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