let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
