He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
