i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
