Kiss
Puke
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
