When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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