i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
