i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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