I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
