Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Dicks are not precious.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
