I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
