yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
