do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
