i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
