i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
