True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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