Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she woke up with a sticky ear
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
