I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
