Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
