I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
