my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
