It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
