I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
