Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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